Little Angels

I haven’t been able to write as much as I would like lately because I’m working three jobs. Eventually, I’ll be working two. Until then, I apologize if there’s some delayed postings.

I wanted to share something with you.

I was working at the bookstore Friday night when a beautiful woman approached the register. She was wearing a simple plain top with a tailored, cargo-like skirt. Her outfit looked as if it were straight off the streets of Paris. She reminded me a little of Julie Christie, a timeless beauty with elegance every young women admires. Because she’d been on vacation she was late picking up her books. Judging from her tan and her worldly presence I assumed it was some place like Greece.

“When are you due?” she asked me as I rung her books through.

“In September,” I replied beaming. This is the first sane person who noticed I was pregnant.

Her eyes began to water and she said, “ I never had my own little angel. It’s the biggest regret of my life,” I looked at her not knowing what to say. “Really, it is.”

I smiled a comforting smile and wished her a good weekend. She swallowed her emotions and left the store.

If there hadn’t been a line up I would have told her how much I appreciated her openness and honesty. Sharing her regrets made me feel better about my situation. I am grateful I will never have that regret. I will never forget that women and I will think of her often throughout my life I am sure.

I’m growing my own little angel ❤



Baby update: 17-weeks and can’t wait for some kicks!

I’m 17-weeks pregnant today. I haven’t felt the baby move yet, but I can’t wait. Every gurgle in my stomach makes me question whether it’s the baby moving around or if it’s the English muffin I ate. I think it’s the English muffin. I’ve read babies can start to hear as early as 17-weeks in the womb even though their ears aren’t structurally complete until 24 weeks. I’ve been trying to keep a nice tone of voice, as I’m sure I will be doing for the rest of my life.

I was working at the bookstore the other day when someone asked me when I was due. (I’m due September 17th by the way.) It was the first time a stranger noticed I was pregnant. I must say she was kind of crazy though.  Nine-months isn’t long enough. I’ve just started showing and I’m half-way through my pregnancy. Before I just felt sick, now that I’m showing, I feel pregnant. In my brain, it’s like I’m really only pregnant for four-and-a-half months. I don’t think it will register that there’s a baby in there until it kicks. I can’t wait. What an exciting time! When did it register for you?

In less than a month I will find out if my baby is a boy or a girl. I have absolutely no hunch what-so-ever, which is weird, because I thought mothers always did. A Wiccan told my Aunt I was having a girl. Honestly, I’m going to be happy either way as long as he or she is healthy.

Growing up, I always wanted a boy. I was raised by all women and thought it would be nice to be surrounded by boys. I never pictured myself partnerless and pregnant though. When I was surrounded by all those boys in my head, there was a big, tall man taking care of all of us. I feel since J is so volatile and unreliable it might be best to have a girl. I think they’re less dependent on Father’s as boys are. I say this because I grew up without a father and it never bothered me until I was an adult.

It did affect me in the sense that I am hopelessly un-athletic. I’m terrified of heights and balancing on my own, and have awful hand-eye coordination. It is very sad. I could never get the Volley-ball over the net and my biggest embarrassment; I don’t know how to ride a bike. Oh god, How is my kid going to learn how to ride a bike?! I’ll worry about that later… Maybe it affected me more than I knew. It could have been a contributing factor in all that trouble I got into in high school. Boy or Girl, I’ll be just as excited, scared and happy either way.