Couples Counselling for One

J has a really great mom. So great that she has offered to pay for couples counselling. You see, couple’s counselling is the only way we can get J to seek help, possibly opening up his mind to individual counselling. Our appointment’s next Thursday and I’m dreading it. The thought of seeing him causes my blood-pressure to rise and my blood to boil. The fact that I have to sit down for an hour and a half and explain myself again makes me want to vomit.

As usual, I’m trying to look at the positive:

1. Free counselling

2. I’ve always been fascinated with this profession. What an excellent opportunity!

3. Maybe a miracle will happen and through couples therapy and he will begin counselling sessions by himself so he can conquer his own demons

4. J could learn how to act like an adult and be a nice, helpful Baby’s Daddy/ex-boyfriend rather than an abusive, unreliable one

5. Maybe he’ll own up to his problems and take responsibility for his actions

6. I could learn how to not care about his manipulations anymore

7. We could end this nicely

8. Maybe, just maybe, he will mature, get help, leave his youth behind him, quit drinking and boozing, (which means giving up the majority of his friends) and then he could be a wonderful dad—- and even maybe, a good boyfriend.

Wow, that’s a whole lot of positive thinking! I admit it; I’m a realist, I think if outcome G. was possible it probably would have happened by now…

Can couple’s counselling work for J and I? Even when the whole issue really is just J? Do I have the energy to let everything go and start fresh yet again for him to just destroy it when it counts? No, I don’t. Does he still have the energy to lie to himself and to me about who he is? God, I hope not.

I swore I would give this my all, as I always have. I would be lying if a part of me wasn’t still praying a miracle would happen. Not because I’m a victim of this man-boy, but because I don’t want to share my child with someone who has put me through hell.

I don’t think I have the energy to forgive him anymore for it to start-up all over again. I want off this ride. This is the last effort I’m putting towards this relationship and if it wasn’t for my baby I wouldn’t even be making it. It makes me sick that I still go above and beyond for him when he can’t even give up partying for his future. How could he do this?

This is going to take a lot of effort on my part, and I’m exhausted from the last hundred times. Must be strong.