I’m keeping it. A Congratulations would be nice…

Before I found out I was pregnant J and I were broken up. I never planned on getting back together with him. But when he was in Ryan Gosling mode it was too hard for me to resist, hence the drunken Christmas Eve incident that triggered an even bigger incident. From the outside looking in on J’s and I relationship, we are/were doomed, so I can’t blame people’s first question to be, “Are you happy about it?”

When I first decided to keep the baby, with J’s undying support of course, I heard a lot of things along the lines of, “Her life is going to be so hard if they don’t work out.”

Do I have a choice? It’s happened. It’s happening. And J is going to be there every step of the way.

“I’m sure it’ll all work out,” was a common reply. I hope so. I never thought he was capable of abandoning me pregnant. I would lay in bed at night and pray that this would give him the ability to get help and grow up.

I was surprised how many people were subtly advocating me choosing abortion once J slowly started reverting back to old behavior. I heard a lot of, “Pretty much all my friends have had abortions… it’s no big deal,” or “it’s going to be so, so hard.”

Why do people get sad looks on their face when they find out that I’m having a baby by myself? Because if this situation was reversed, I would say, ‘Good for you. You’re going to be fine. This will be great motivation. You can do this by yourself. I admire you for not getting an abortion.’

I did contemplate abortion but by the time I really thought about it I was around 6-8 weeks. I had already considered this mass of cells a baby. I just couldn’t do it. Maybe J would come around.

I must admit, I have day dreamed of rewinding time and reliving the whole ‘We’re pregnant conversation.’ If J wasn’t delusional he would say, “I can’t do this. I can’t be involved.” And I would tell him exactly what I said the first time round, “I can’t afford a baby. Bottom line.” And instead of him saying, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of us.” He would say the truth: “I can’t have that responsibility. If you decide to keep it, you’re on your own.” And to be honest, if the conversation went like that, I wouldn’t be making this the topic of my first blog.

I catch myself feeling ashamed of myself a lot of the time and that people frown upon me for my choice to not get an abortion. I still feel as though people still try to make me feel stupid for getting pregnant and not being in a committed relationship.

But, Shit happens.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pro-choice, and I know the decision to have an abortion is hard as well. But I have news for you: A lot of people get pregnant in bad relationships; the difference between us is that everyone knows it’s happening to me, because I have chosen to have the baby.

Everyone seems to have in their head is that you should be over 30; in a stable career; in a loving, committed relationship; own your own house with a picket fence and drive a Prius.

I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit. The only thing I can agree with about that statement is that a loving, committed relationship is key, but it doesn’t happen that way for a lot of people.

In my circumstances, being 25, I’m fully emotionally capable of taking care of a baby. And the baby’s not going to know we’re poor for quite sometime. Just because I have a baby doesn’t mean I’m stuck in the poor-house for the rest of my life.

I know my pregnancy isn’t as promising and joyous as those other people’s who have everything perfectly aligned, and it is really sad that I don’t have a partner to go through this with. But guess what? I’m only 25, people are supposed to have kids in their 20s- not in their 40s, like a lot of people. Sure, it’s nice to have money, but my kid won’t know he/she is poor until they start comparing each other. I got at least five-years to make decent money. And I know I rent out my grandmother’s basement suite, but I’m so grateful for it. My grandmother will be a huge part of my child’s life.

I understand that having a baby is hard when you’re single, but so is having an abortion and so is having a baby in your 40s. I’m in the midst of unplanned pregnancy, with no money and no partner and I deserve a Congratulations, because guess what? Everything will work out and I will be the best mother I can be. And from what I’ve heard, once I see my baby, I won’t be having it any other way.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Benjamin Schilling
    Apr 04, 2012 @ 01:45:01

    Today, I went to the beach front with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!


    • pregnantandsingle
      Apr 06, 2012 @ 20:02:42

      Thank-you for making me laugh… I’m happy you shared that with me. It reminds me of how much I have to look forward to, hermit crabs and all! That’s a great story you will share. She’ll never forget that I’m sure!


  2. Todd Dun
    Apr 05, 2012 @ 21:10:48

    whoah this blog is magnificent i love reading your posts. Keep up the great work! You know, a lot of people are looking around for this information, you could aid them greatly.


  3. sjtyre
    May 22, 2012 @ 04:45:21

    I guess on this post would’ve been a better place to post my “baby’s father wants me to have an abortion” comment but as long as its up here. I love this post! Shit DOES happen! Never in a million years did I ever expect to be “accidentally knocked up” lol I feel like, and i’m being treated like, i’m 16 years old and have to finish high school! It’s crazy! Hello? I’m 36!!!! I’m not rich but i’m not poor, i’m not stupid, i’m not working (but I get paid to go to school from my time served in the Army), i’m mature, responsible, a GREAT mom….what’s the problem here? Because some total ASS doesn’t want to be involved or responsible for this joint “mistake” that was made I should go against EVERYTHING I believe in and have an abortion? I’m raising two on my own now, what’s the difference? And you’re right, this baby won’t know you’re poor and BELIEVE ME with 2 kids already, they don’t need to material things, they don’t even care about it they just want your love and attention. And with the resources today, you’re child won’t even know it’s “poor” later on. They sell name designer brands at Marshall’s if it’s that important 😉 lol My kid was wearing Ralph Lauren and Tommy from birth, I certainly couldn’t afford that stuff if it weren’t for Marshall’s and second hand stores 😉 lol


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