To understand my story; Meet J

I’m not going to go to in-depth into all the relationship drama. Frankly, I’m sick of talking about it, I’m sick of explaining, I’m sick of psychoanalyzing it and I’m sick of thinking about it.

Here’s the issues. J has a substance-abuse problem, with both alcohol and hard-drugs. He has friends who encourage it. He also has some type of personality disorder where he believes I’m what he wants: He would run through a warzone to get me back and does, to only destruct everything we’ve rebuilt a month or two later. He’s a pathological liar and cannot keep the simplest promises.

Now, I’m a reasonable girl. I try to see things from J’s perspective and for a good year-and-a-half of our relationship, I took some of the blame. I’d say things like, “I shouldn’t have phrased that sentence it like that.” Or, “I understand, you need guy-time.” Or, “I’m so, so, so, so sorry for raising my voice a little when I asked you to pick up you clothes for the thousandth time and you still don’t.” The point is, I can tolerate men. I can be in a long term relationship. All this turmoil is 100 per cent him. I know this now. And somewhere he does too.

I’ve been through it all with this guy; infidelity, drug-abuse, bullying, manipulation, emotional abuse and more…

And please here me when I say I get back together with him because he’s ssssooo damn convincing. He should be up for an Academy Award along with Ryan Gosling and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Anyways, he’s chosen to do use cocaine and binge drink every weekend while emotionally abusing me throughout the week. He has chosen to break his promises again and not be with me. By doing this, he has chosen to not be a father, to not have a family and to not be with me. And I’m pregnant and alone. I get comfort by knowing that this is my baby. As long as he is a bully, my child will not be involved with him. My baby will not treat anyone the way J treats others.

I honestly didn’t think he was capable of this. This is the lowest of the low.

I stopped speaking with him three weeks ago and it will stay that way.

This baby has given me backbone, strength, courage and determination and I’m going to use it to make my life better. This baby gives me something to look forward to. What a blessing.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Katie
    Apr 08, 2012 @ 18:39:17

    i’m glad your baby gives you a “back bone” as you said, since baby is all that matters now. i was pregnant and single and my S’s father was not the greatest (hence his being in jail right now). But when i found out i was preg, i made the decision to step away from him and the horrible relationship we had (it was pretty destructive). best thing i could have done for S. Now she’s four months old, happy and healthy. i couldn’t imagine how it would be if i had decided to stay with him. believe me you are doing the right thing as a mom by stepping away from his bad influences. Good luck with your baby and stay strong!

    Reply

    • pregnantandsingle
      Apr 08, 2012 @ 18:59:23

      Katie, I really appreciate you sharing your wisdom. It’s so nice to hear such positive feedback from someone who’s been through this. It makes me feel less alone. I’m so happy to hear you and your baby are happy and healthy. Please, don’t hesitate to comment whenever you would like. Your knowledge is so valuable to me and future readers. Your advice will always be greatly appreciated. I hope to hear from you in the future! Thank-you.

      Reply

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